In August I started a new Thursday series “I’m Not a Bad Mom (or Dad) Because…”
So far I think its been good.
Every. Single. Time. I put out the question on Twitter or Facebook, I get A LOT of response. Seems like as parents we very often feel judged for our parenting choices, styles or ways of life.
But are we being judged, or are we judging ourselves? My guess is probably both to some degree.
However, I believe the WE are often our own biggest critics. Mommy (and Daddy) guilt runs rampant. We question our own choices. We try to make ourselves feel like we’re not bad moms because of something we’re not so happy about ourselves.
I’ve personally written two of these posts “I’m Not a Bad Mom Because I Take Medication” and “I’m Not a Bad Mom Because My Kid Isn’t Potty Trained.” BOTH of these things intellectually I know do not make me a bad mom, but they BOTH still cause me immense guilt, when I let them.
Did I write those posts to try and make myself feel better, to convince myself that I actually AM a good mom? Maybe. But I also wrote them so that other parents going through similar struggles would not feel so alone. So that maybe they could put down the shield of guilt. Release their own burden, if only a little.
I put the question out on Twitter just a little while ago tonight. “I’m Not A Bad Mom Because…” Go.
Kimberly @vevice said “…because my hair color is not ‘normal’.” (She has an amazing head of shocking pink hair. I LOVE it!)
But that’s beside the point. It doesn’t matter if I have an unusual hair color! Even if I dyed my hair blue just because I like it, I would still be a great mom–not perfect, but still great–who loves my kids for all I’m worth. And isn’t THAT the point.
I don’t know about you but I want to let go of my own mama guilt.
Its choking me.
I’m sick of feeling like a bad mom because Ronin is almost 4 and isn’t potty trained. I’m sick of feeling like a lame mom because we don’t leave the house every day. I’m sick of feeling like an ineffective mom when my kids don’t listen, or have tantrums, or don’t sleep through the night. And I know that a large portion of these feelings come from me. They come. from. inside. of. me. I am telling myself these stories. I am believing in the myth of the perfect mom.
“I’m Not a Bad Mom Because…” Go.
Katie @MendyLady said “…because I love my children and do my very best for them, even if I fall down more than I’d like.”
Yuz @notjustaboutwee said “…because I’m doing the best I can.”
Zoie @TouchstoneZ said “…because I look at my children and can see the truth that they are thriving even when I don’t belive in my heart that I’m not a bad mom.”
Yes! AMEN! Exactly Ladies!
So now I ask the question of you.
“I’m Not a Bad Mom Because…” Go.
PS. Each week on Wednesday night/Thursday I hope to continue to publish guest posts on this topic. I really think its something that hits home with a lot of us. If you are interested in writing and submitting, please contact me via email at cristicomes@gmail.com. You do not have to be a blogger or professional writer to submit. YOU are very welcome to write your story in your own words. Yes I am talking to YOU. I’m more than happy to help you edit if you’re worried about your writing. I just want to keep sharing real stories by real moms and dads that can inspire and help us all feel not so alone in this hard-ass journey of parenting.
xo
because i am TRYING!
…because I have to take a time out from him once in a while
…because I sometimes feed him lunch that comes from a can
…because somedays we sit in front of the t.v all day…in our PJ’s
because I have piercings.
because I like fun hair colors.
because I’m pregnant with #3, all planned, and only going on 24!
…because I often slack on the housework
…because I am not always patient and I sometimes snap at my toddler
…because there are some days I want to take the day off from being a mother
…because sometimes I skip brushing her teeth or bathtime just to get her to bed quicker
…because some nights I let her stay up until midnight or later because I am having too much fun with her!
…because I often let my toddler dress herself and her shoes don’t match
…because sometimes we eat cake for dinner and pizza for breakfast
– because some days i stay in my Pjs all day
– I dont make her wear clothes around that house… what can I say I like her fluffy diaper
– I dont do my dishes every day
I love her and thats all that matters
….because sometimes I get mad.
….because sometimes I miss the times before I was a mom.
….because I would rather play with my baby than do housework.
…..because my house I always a mess.
….because I can’t do it all.
….because I value family time over cleaning up.
….because sometimes I’m lazy.
….because I’m not perfect.
….because I’m tired a lot.
….because I sing songs about simple tasks, like diaper changes and getting dressed.
….because I don’t like my mother-in-law.
….because I want my baby to have a relationship with all his grandparents but my mother-in-law because I don’t want him to be let down by her the way his daddy is.
….because I dream of having another baby sooner rather than later.
Thanks for this! Sorry I vented a little bit.
I am for sure feeling less “Mommy guilt” since sharing my story here. I also feel the confidence to share it with other Moms I meet in person.
So… I’m not a bad mom because…
I’m not prefect and I share my stories to gain a sense of perspective and feel normal.
…because I gave my daughter away at birth. It was the best thing for both her and me. I feel lucky that as an adult she now realizes that and has no anger towards me about it. And as long as the two of us are happy, what does it matter what others think?