We’re so conflicted as mothers. At least I know I am. I wanted to be a stay at home mom and a big part of me loves seeing my kids day to day, hour by hour, grow, change and learn to be the little people they are. It’s a beautiful thing, such an amazing gift to them, and incredibly important job paid in smooches and snuggles. But being Mom, I must admit does not 100% fulfill me.
You heard it here first people. Or perhaps you’ve heard it in your own head many times before, and “Mommy Guilt” has kept you from admitting it.
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I was single till 30, childless till 34, with a fun and exciting fast-paced career in public relations. My office window overlooked the Sunset Strip in West Hollywood. A walk to lunch with co-workers often included “Star Sightings” at The Coffee Bean or local restaurants. In fact, we had a running list posted on the office wall of all the celebs we’d see.
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Flash forward a few years later and life is incredibly different. Not bad or worse, just very very different. In fact, I’m sitting here trying to write this as my sister-in-law babysits the kids. They keep running in to bring me toys or just to say hi. Apparently the lock on my bedroom door doesn’t work. (Learn something new every day!)
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Taking time to write makes me feel like I have a purpose other than being Mom. And I think that’s a good thing for my mental health, and for my kids to see. The fulfillment I’ve gotten from creating this blog, added to that of being a mom, is getting me close to 100%. I believe my words and the words of courageous guest writers are helping others.
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Raising happy children AND helping other parents, makes me a much happier person. I truly believe we need to support and empower one another and our children in this crazy, stressful and fun life called Motherhood. Drop kick the judgement people. I now completely understand why “it takes a village.” Without support, the pillars (mom & dad) would crumble and where does that leave the kids? It doesn’t matter whether its good friends, your family or even an online community, we each need our own support structure to help and inspire us. To enable us to also focus on ourselves, our passions and our marriages/relationships, just as much as we focus on the kids.
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It can be one of the most difficult lessons to learn for moms. If we don’t treat ourselves and our marriages right, think of the example we’re showing our children. They truly do follow by example. We are their most important educators. The ole’ “do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t work with kids. I need to keep telling myself this. I need to be fulfilling my own needs, and respecting myself and my husband, in front of them. Be loving and kind to others, in front of them. Eat healthy and exercise, in front of them. And take joy in daily life, in front of them.
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Those last few are very difficult for me because some days my own depression or anxiety or just plain old bad mood is overwhelming. That’s why on days like today, when I had the chance to have a babysitter and write, I take it. And my dear husband totally supports it. And hopefully you’ll get something out of this post because of it.
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Does being a mom sometimes make you conflicted? Do you struggle with being happy and joyous one moment, tired and unfulfilled the next? I think that’s SO normal. Even if many of us don’t want to admit it. Being the “perfect mom” no longer means wearing a mask hearts and smiles all of the time…at least in my world. Its about being honest, genuine and OK with being “good enough” on the days when I’m not feeling perfect.
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My kids are learning they don’t have to fake it for the world, and that’s OK with me.
I agree with you 100%. Thank you for posting this!
I could not agree more! I definitely have that same struggle, where one day I feel on top of the world in this mom gig. But then the next I feel so unfulfilled and don’t know if I am really doing anything for myself. I definitely see it’s normal to go up and down, back and forth. But if we forget to take care of ourselves then it will be harder. It is so important! I agree with the need to be that example for our kids! What a great reminder.
You know, it’s been a while since I wrote this and getting your comment is a good reminder to me too. It’s so important to take care of our needs first.
You’re so brave to say that out loud. A lot of us are afraid to voice the fact that sometimes we just want to run away or maybe that we don’t feel like getting up in the middle of the night with a tummy ache. I know it does make it easier for me when I have another project to work on as well. I love my babies but I like to have multiple things happening. Great article.
You took the words out of my mouth.
Keep writing!