Day 24 of 30 Days of Positive Affirmations is about giving ourselves permission to say YES and NO.
Affirmation #24
There are two big parts to this story.
Often times we hear people talk about how it’s OK to say NO. It’s hard to do it of course, many of of us are programmed to be people pleasers, but you hear people wax on about it all of the time … the importance of giving ourselves permission to say NO.
I’m getting on my own soapbox here to tell you that YES, it is vital to say NO … sometimes. You do not have to do it all. You do not have to be everything to everyone. You do not have to be friends with everyone; you do not have to be posting about your happy life on every single social media; you do not have to attend every school event for your kids; you do not have to go to every single play date; you do not have to host a million parties or attend them. Just. Say. NO. when you need to.
Particularly when struggling, it is absolutely OK and sometimes even required to say NO.
But it’s also important to empower ourselves to say YES when in our hearts we want to … and sometimes even when we’re not sure we do … even when it scares us.
Depression, anxiety (and even the regular ole daily stress of motherhood) can make us feel overwhelmed. Depression and anxiety lies and tells me that I shouldn’t attend a social gathering. It tells me that I shouldn’t take a chance at a new venture. It tells me that I need to say NO sometimes when really what I want to do is say YES.
I remember long ago, way before I met John I was living in Florida. I was on a camping trip with my then boyfriend and some friends, but it was a very large group and I had never met many of the people camping with us. I was depressed but I didn’t know it. I had social anxiety but I didn’t know it. At that point in the my early 20s, these things had not fully reared their ugly heads.
There was a lot of fun and adventurous things going on during this trip and I said NO to all of them. I wanted to say YES. I vividly remember so badly wanting to say YES but I was terrified. I burrowed inside of my cocoon and became a perpetual observer. And while all of this fun and adventure went on around me, I had a pretty weird time. My best friend Denise even met her future husband on that trip, her being the very adventurous, silly and fun girl that she is.
Here we are on that trip. Seeing me smiling is so interesting. It makes me realize how much we can put on a decent face for the world, especially when someone points a camera at us.
It was after that trip that this boyfriend broke up with me. I don’t blame him honestly, I was probably such a lame person to be around, and he (like me) did not know I had depression. After that breakup I did begin to seek treatment for my mental illness, so I’m grateful for that turning point in my life and it taught me a huge lesson.
There are times when our fear can overwhelm us, and saying NO can be a huge mistake. I moved to California shortly after all of that happened, to seek my own adventure. I went to live with my Aunt and Uncle and a few friends from college live there as well, so I had the support network that I needed to thrive. I also started getting mental health treatment and started to learn more about myself.
I still do have times when my inner dialogue wants me to say NO but so much more often at this point in my life I step out of my comfort zone and go for it. Not always, but it’s gotten much better and I think about that time on the camping trip. I remember how my fear kept me from a great time.
Going to conferences is one of those types of things that my inner thoughts don’t want me to do. This week I leave for Mom 2.0 in Southern California and while much of me tells me to stay home, I am saying YES. I know that when I do, even through it might scare me, I have amazing experiences that help me grow as a person. I make memories that last.
Today I empower myself to say YES when I truly want to and NO when I need to.
Do you know when to say YES and when to say NO?
#6: Support (with Mental Health Resources Printable)
#18: Organization {plus storage giveaway!}
