Being Mom AND Wife isn’t always easy
Anyway, John and I divide and conquer when it comes to the nighttime routine, and we get very little time in the same bed, much less alone in said bed. So, needless to say, the wifely “duty” has not recently been fulfilled. We’ve been content to capture a few stolen moments here and there, a snuggle or a kiss. But as John recently said, and I agree, “Yeah we should do that again sometime.” 😉
It’s not easy finding the time, space or energy for sex with little ones BUT man is it important to staying fully connected in the marriage. We’ve survived pretty well so far with a lot of communication and affection in other ways. We just love each other so damn much, we have faith we’ll figure it out eventually, and get a regular sex life back someday. I just hope its not when Ronin goes off to college.
Its just SO hard (no pun intended!) I remember learning in my 3-6 month baby group with Ronin that it’s actually physiologically normal for the woman to lose sex drive for a while after birth. Nature’s way of helping to space out the kids. For me, the meds I take for depression and anxiety also don’t help in that department either. A double whammy. So it’s something I personally need to really focus on. At some point there must be a balance. I’ll always be mom. My brain never shuts that down. But I must also be wife, if I want a long lasting, happy and healthy marriage…which just happens to be good for the kids as well.
What to do? What to do? Reading my dear mama friend Marissa’s story (also posted today) and you just might get some ideas. Another friend of mine makes one night a week couple night, making the commitment to focus romantically on each other at least that night each week, which often leads to more. For me, it’s been so long that I actually feel shy propositioning my husband. That is just SO SAD to admit. But there I said it. Just the idea of sex makes me nervous. And I was NEVER that person before kids.
Oh I’m dreaming of “going back” to the pre-baby honeymoon in Bora Bora and finding my mojo. Hmmm. Not a bad idea for when the kids are a bit older. For now, we’re keeping the lines if communication open and our eyes open for opportunities to be together as husband & wife, sans kids.
How do you focus on the marriage? Do you find it hard to balance mom & wife?
Cristi, I am so glad that you and John are close and communicate! I had commented on the other blog about how I did not talk with my first husband and lost that marriage. I wish I had a format like this to help me see that I was not alone! Keep up the good work and I wish you and John luck with you finding your inner sex kitten again soon! ; )
I too continue to try and have great open communication with my husband. After our Kylie was born, it just seems that life totally revolves around her (if she could talk she would absolutely agree with that)and we too have lost our intimate lives together. As everyday passes it just seems like we are so busy with other things, someone is always sick in the house or Kylie doesn’t go to bed till 9:30 pm, and then we follow right behind her. We are not sure how to get back to “bk” / “before kylie”. Will it ever get back to the old days…I don’t think so, but we somehow need to try. Thanks for your story and Marissa’s.