Last night I stumbled across this great article from Time.com about miscarriages, grief and long term depression/postpartum depression. I thought the information would be perfect for you ladies because as you know, I’m all about communication when it comes to such taboo issues. The last line says so much “it’s so common but people don’t know what to say.” I want to change that. Please check out the article and if you’ve experienced miscarriage(s) or baby loss, I’d love to hear your thoughts about this information and what you think others should or should not say to women who have experienced miscarriage or baby loss, even after going on to have a healthy baby.
Article from Time’s Healthland can be found here.
Or I’ve posted it for you below:
Women Grieve Miscarriage for Years, Even After Having a Healthy Baby
When a woman miscarries, it’s typically far more hurtful than helpful to say something like, “At least you have other children.” Now, new research backs that up and goes a step further, finding that even women who go on to welcome a child after a miscarriage or stillbirth report prolonged depression and anxiety surrounding their loss.
“We kind of assumed in the academic world that if you have a healthy baby, everything would be fine,” says Emma Robertson Blackmore, the lead researcher and an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Rochester Medical Center.
Each year, about 1 million U.S. women endure a miscarriage or stillbirth. Up to 80% of those women get pregnant again, but researchers found that nearly 13% of women who had a miscarriage or stillbirth before delivering a healthy baby still had symptoms of depression 33 months after the birth. Of those with two previous losses, almost 19% of new mothers had symptoms of depression within that same time span, according to the study published online this month in the British Journal of Psychiatry. (More on Time.com: Study: Secondhand Smoke Increases Risk of Stillbirth, Birth Defects)
The researchers tracked 13,133 pregnant women in the United Kingdom who were participating in the Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children. They were screened for depression and anxiety throughout their pregnancy and after giving birth. Most reported no miscarriages, but 21% said they had experienced at least one.
The findings are significant for clinical care. Typically, women are flagged for potential postpartum mental problems based on a previous history of depression or a lack of social support. “But we never thought of flagging women who’ve lost a pregnancy,” says Robertson Blackmore. (More on Time.com: Pediatricians Should Start Screening for Postpartum Depression)
It’s expected that women who’ve suffered a loss might be more anxious in subsequent pregnancies, especially up until the point at which they lost the pregnancy. “Say you had a miscarriage at 15 weeks,” says Robertson Blackmore. “You can imagine until you get to that point, you think, Oh, my God, is everything going to be okay?
“After that point, we really expected symptoms of depression to decrease,” she says, “but they didn’t.”
In fact, multiple losses only compounded feelings of despair. Women who lost two or more pregnancies experienced depression more frequently than those who’d lost one; of those who’d lost four pregnancies, 22% reported experiencing depression three years later. (More on Time.com: Diagnosing Postpartum Depression with a Brain Scan)
Some of the depression may stem from the inept way in which others can react to miscarriage. People say well-intentioned but insensitive things, or they worry about saying the wrong thing, so they say nothing at all.
“With advancing medical knowledge, everyone assumes pregnancy is going to go well,” says Robertson Blackmore. “When that doesn’t happen, it strikes fear in a lot of people. It’s so common, but people don’t know what to say.”
Thanks for sharing Cristi! I would say this is quite true! I also think there is something to be said for the order in which your miscarriages happen–was it your first pregnancy, your last, etc. It certainly affects your development as an adult.
Having had 3 beautiful, healthy children and 2 miscarriages I can attest to the well-intentioned but hurtful things people say. My best advice for someone who hasn’t been there (& even those who have) is a simple, “I’m so sorry for what’s happened.”
A mom’s sadness for one pregnancy loss is completely separate from her gratitude for her other children. I still sometimes wonder about the 2 lost pregnancies (1 boy and 1 girl)–who would they look like, what would their little personalities be like?? That in no way takes away from my graciousness and thanks to God for my 3 kids! It truly helps me realize what a miracle life is and how we should try to live each day reflecting that gratitude in our own words and actions. ;0)
Thanks for reading the blog Nicole! I know that before you’ve had kids or been pregnant it’s also impossible to understand that for a lot of women, the minute you get pregnant, your child becomes your child in your heart. I’m sure I didn’t support you like I could or should of back then since I had never had kids at that point. It’s easy for others to think oh, you can just get pregnant again. But as you said, the love and pain you have for the angel baby is completely separate from any subsequent children or pregnancies. Nicole, I’m so sorry for your 2 losses. xo