I was nervous. What in the world would it feel like? Would it be different? Would it be different for him?
Our lives had changed dramatically. Our love had changed in so many ways.
Now we were three.
A little human lay between us each night physically separating us.
The hormones suppressed my desire.
The weight gain suppressed my confidence.
The sum of all parts suppressed our communication.
But I did not love him any less. In fact I loved him more. This father of my newborn son. This generous and supportive husband of mine.
I admit the first time we did it, I did it for him. To make him feel loved. To remind him of our sensual past-life that had taken a backseat with the discomforts of pregnancy and child birth.
I was actually terrified I’d never find my mojo again.
I was shaking inside, the room filled with my nervous laughter. The lights shut off, the curtains closed tight so he couldn’t see my forever changed body.
The first touch emotionally painful as I knew he was holding a much larger me.
And it felt different. Heartbreakingly so.
But it was only our “first time” after giving birth to our amazing baby boy. This tiny human who was now our core focus.
After, he held me in his arms as we listened to the tiny breaths nearby. Wondering when the cries would begin. A few more stolen moments, just me and him.
This week’s RemembeRED prompt from The Red Dress Club asked us to write about “The first time you _________ed since/after ________ing”