All righty! Today I’m kicking off the new Motherhood Unadorned Thursday Series “I’m Not a Bad Mom (or Dad) Because…” with my own post about my non-potty-trained-kiddo. I’m really excited about this series because with it I’m inviting guest posts each week! I’ve already gotten one for today from @BruceSallan “I’m Not a Bad Dad Because…” and two lined up next week from fellow #PPDChat moms. If you’re interested in submitting for this ongoing series, please email cristicomes@gmail.com.
Also, if you haven’t already don’t forget to check out my original “I’m Not A Bad Mom Because I Take Medication”
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I’ve been diapering bums for almost four years.
Yes, Ronin is less than two months away from four and is still not potty trained … AT ALL. Like I said the other day when my friend Robin mentioned her (potty trained) 3-year-old and poop, my brain went straight to how horrible my parenting skills must be to have him still in diapers.
But I know I’m not a bad mom.
I’m a good mom. I love my boy and he loves me.
He’s very much like me actually. Anxious. Shy. Cautious. Sweet.
I believe his diaper to him is a safety net of sorts. And not for pee. For his anxiety. On days that I’ve tried to push it and force him diaperless I see intense panic. Not necessarily manipulation.
I don’t want his bodily functions to become a real issue. I want him to be ready. I want him to want to be a big boy. I want him to see potty training as his own accomplishment, and not a constant failure.
I was in Florida last month and talked to the mom of a friend of mine. Let’s call her Joyce, because that’s her name. Anyway, she’s raised two grown daughters and has five grandkids, among other qualifications like nurse. And to hear her say “It’ll happen when he’s ready” was a breath of fresh air.
No advice on how to *make* him want to do it. No, have you tried this or that. Just it’ll happen when he’s ready.
I want him to be ready. I really REALLY do. But I love him with a fierceness of a mama bear, and I want to not only guide my cub to success but help protect him from unnecessary anxiety. I KNOW anxiety. And I believe forcing him to potty train is just that, unnecessary pressure to do something he WILL do in his own good time.
Do I feel like a bad mom sometimes when all of his buddies and younger cousin are running off to pee and poop on the pot with no issues? Yes, I do. But that’s just my own mama guilt that I’ve created for myself. I need to let that go and OWN my parenting beauty.
Hi, I’m Cristi. I’m a good mom. And my almost four year old is still in diapers.
UPDATE: This was published in late 2011. Ronin is now 8 1/2 years old. He potty trained in less than a week shortly after this post was published. Once he was ready, it was very easy. He just got it, and has had no potty issues ever since. His sister potty trained much earlier at 3 (also in her own time).
My son was 4 years, 2 months. It was just a couple weeks before PreK started, and he wouldn’t be able to go if he didn’t, well…GO. And he did. When he was ready.
As will your son!
Came from WOE linkup…
I fully support you. Potty training is exhausting and I’m waiting as long as I can with our second child until she is so ready she can practically teach herself. Otherwise, it’s going to be months and months of bringing back-up replacement clothes and seat protectors for all those nasty public potties and not being able to drive anywhere within a 1-minute radius of a potty!!
Best advice ever. My daughter was 4 before she was potty trained. Don’t sweat it. Another advice I got “it’s not like they’ll be in diapers in high school.” It comes when it’s time.
Oh, and also – my 3 year old still has bottles at nap and bedtime. So yeah – I choose my battles.
Kids will train in there own time or so I hope! My little one just turned three and we have tried for months with no success! Good luck!
Yes they definitely do train in their own time. It will happen, and at 3 some kids are just not ready. You’ll get there soon! Good luck to you too!
My first daughter was almost four and still in training pants/diapers and I remember begging her to wear panties like a big girl to impress everyone on her 4th birthday the next week. Well, she made it to college and IS NOT IN DIAPERS so there’s that. 🙂 She also never wet the bed once she was ready, shortly before her 4th bday. Her little sister was 2 and copied her and was also into panties without a bed wetting incident shortly after her own 2nd birthday, but ONLY because she was a copy cat. She is now a senior in HS and not in diapers.
Every child is unique and he’ll get there eventually. No, you are anything BUT a bad mom. You’re being kind and loving.
Thank you, reaaally thank you!!
I have the same problem with my daughter. She’s turning 4 this year. I tried to potty train her when she was 3 but I didn’t succeed. She doesn’t want to pee or poo in the potty. Until now I decided not to push or force her. You are not alone and you are the best mom. And I agreed to your opinion, we don’t need potty training , and we believe when is the time they ready , they will do it.