I’ve been in potty training purgatory for a very long time. If you’re unfamiliar with this state of being, be glad.
Ronin is 4 years and 2 months old and potty training has always been a major anxiety inducer for both of us.
At first he was afraid to even sit on a little potty. He’s always been a super anxious kid, even more so prior to discovering his food intolerance to dairy and gluten (changing his diet in the past 6 months has really helped by the way.)
In his 3rd year he finally started going pee on the little potty very inconsistently and only when almost forced to sit down.
This is not a way I like to parent. Forcing my child to pee. I want potty training to be his accomplishment. But of course I realize encouragement is necessary. So I tried a day of underwear at home. Which led to ALL of his underwear dirty and a screaming panicky child who did NOT want to be naked.
Again, a way I do not want to parent. I didn’t want pottying to become an anxiety issue. So I reluctantly went back to the pull ups.
As he approached his 4th birthday, we gave him the big boy talk. Big boys go on the potty, not in pull ups, yada yada. I’m not exactly sure at what point, but he finally lost his fear of sitting on the big potty and began peeing there too. Yay!
We bribed, we cajoled, we encouraged, we praised. He still went in his pull ups.
But he also began going on the potty more often, slowly slowly more often. Even outside of the house at friends or public pottys on rare occasions. But still more often than not, in the pull up.
Changing diapers for 4 years and 2 months for me has been a dreary dreadful mess. The past 2 years of wishing, hoping, encouraging, bribing, cajoling and praising has truly been potty training purgatory. And I wanted to get out!
So 3 days ago I woke up and said “He CAN be fully potty trained, Universe! He CAN!” (I even posted my plea on my Facebook wall.)
It’s been all underwear all the time. (well except pull ups to sleep). I’ve already had to wash ALL of his underwear. It’s been a mess. BUT, last night before John got home from work we reached a breaking point, and again I made him go naked. Just for one half hour, which he did NOT like.
“If you make it dry to 6:12pm and then pee on the potty, you get your underwear back.”
OK.
He did, and was dry and going on the potty the rest of the night.
I’m not naive enough to think he’s totally got it. But it’s a good step. I’m still in potty training purgatory today, but trying my damnedest to get OUT. That’s why I haven’t blogged in a couple of days. I’ve been eye of the tiger on this potty training thing. And I’m NOT giving up!
I’ve put it in writing and hit publish, so you’re all holding me accountable. I WILL find No Diaper Heaven soon. I will!
Any tips or advice? I’d LOVE to hear them.
Thank you!!
Oh, Cristi, I feel for you. I can imagine how tough that must be.
Why doesn’t he like being naked? That was really the best approach for us. It has its downsides, for sure, but we left him naked (which he loves, admittedly) and focused all our attention on directing him to the potty. We put it in the living room and just stayed there.
Is he able to express why he doesn’t want to use the potty? Not sure I’m any help. Such a tough one.
He’s never liked being naked. I think it’s a part of his anxiety. I’m just glad he’s finally ok in underwear. The diaper and then pull ups have been like a crutch for so long. But last night and this morning he chose underwear over pull ups! It’s going in the right direction I hope. Fingers and toes crossed.
My first son was a huge struggle, and my heart goes out to you. He was just a couple months shy of his fourth birthday, and honestly, he just didn’t care. I cared! We had tried every sticker chart, reward system, etc. that had been suggested, and nothing worked. Finally, I took him to Toys R Us one day and told him to pick out a special present. His eyes lit up, unsure of why he was receiving a gift out of the blue. Then I told him it would sit on the mantle. His expression was one of absolute horror. 🙂 I quickly explained that it would only stay on the mantle until he wore big boy underwear all the time (except at night) and used the toilet all the time. He said, “Okay Mommy!”, and that was that. I was done pleading and begging, and put the ball 100% in his court. Once it was truly his decision and I let go of it, he owned it. (He chose the Imaginext Ocean Boat… about $35, so it wasn’t like I offered him a Power Wheels Jeep or anything!) He had maybe 1 accident that first week, and at the end of the week I gave him the boat. He was developmentally ready, so it wasn’t something that was beyond his ability. I don’t know why it was the magic bullet for him, but I really think it had to do with giving him the control. Good luck!
That is an awesome idea. Hmmm. May have to try it on Ronin. Thank you!!
I recommend Naked Camp! That’s what I call it at least! Take a long weenekd (Friday thru Monday for instance) and baby gate your kitchen. (Assuming you have tile in there.) Allow your little ones to run around with out pants/undies/diaper on for the entire time. They need to make the connection of the urge to go and what happens when they do! He! He! I’m tellin’ ya, worked for my two! In the summer, if you have a private, fenced in yard, it can work there too, but it looks a little cold at your place. Have the little potty set up in your baby gated area along with some wrapped goodies from the dollar store for motivation. Each time they are successful with the potty, they get to pick from the potty prize basket! My kids loved it! You’ll be sweating by the end of the weenekd, but it’ll be worth it! Think of the money you’ll save in diapers! GOOD LUCK!
My 4.5 year old was extremely easy about potty training. That kid can pee on command anywhere anytime but he refuses to poop on the potty. We have tried bribes like new underwear, candy , toys etc. We also tried the big boy talk, had his doc talk to him, funny songs and at one point making him sit on the potty on and off all day. He did fall in the potty once at day care when he was around 2.5. He said he is not scared of the potty but we have backed off and still remind him how easy it is to use the potty and of the rewards he will get. His little brother just turned two and will start potty training soon. I am hoping if we encourage big bro to show little bro how to use the potty it might help. At this point I’ll try just about anything. I get so tired of scrubbing underwear 🙂
Good luck to you!
Oh my goodness Michelle. That must be frustrating! Poor us.
Honestly after having gone thgoruh this 6 times, )and I know you didn’t want to hear this)I find that its better to wait until they are REALLY ready or you end up being the one in charge of their potty efforts which IS exhausting, meaning you will have to be asking them if they have to go bringing them unzipping wiping etc, at 22 months kids usually are not that great at picking up the signs that they need to “go” I also found that there are less accidents and relapses if you train them later (about 2 1/2). signs that they are ready would be being able to undress dress themselves, being able to tell when they have to go, and a big one is that they are bothered by being in a wet or dirty diaper an ability to get on the toilet helps also. I have 6 children the hardest training was with my 20 month old (first child) the last two were easiest. Also my son had NO interest in going and could care less about walking around in a dirty diaper, but by waiting for him to be more ready a few weeks after he turned three he was in underwear and had no accidents EVER not even at night. the other children were trained between 20 months and just turned 3. Also one other word of advice, get a hold of as many pairs of training underwear as you can (the thick ones) they are hard to find but carters makes them. Do not use pull ups, unless it is for night time or really long car trips. Pull ups are a big waste of time and money, kids are not dumb it does not take long for them to realize they are just a fancy diaper so when you are both ready just put the underwear on and don’t go back, you might want to cover your couch though ; ) good luck and congratulations on the new baby on the way! oh and it really is not that bad having 2 in diapers if the potty training doesn’t work out yet!References : potty trained my own 6 and helped train many others in my care
I tweeted today that I thought we were trained. I think we finally might be. But he is so afraid and anxious of pooping on the potty, it just about breaks my heart. I know where you are.
Oh goodness Kate. I just hate the anxiety of it all for them and us! I hope that gets better fast.
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all of my kids were 3 when they potty trained. my youngest two were much closer to 4 at the time. My first was dry at night since age 2, but didnt day train till 3 1/2 and then it took another 6 months to be poop trained. My second learned to pee and poop in the potty while having naked time at 2, and until about 3 yrs and 2 months, couldnt get the whole not using the pullup.. totally trained while naked tho, never an accident. So her stumbling block was pulling down and up, and I dont know why. It took her till 4 and a half to stay dry at night. My third pee and poop trained at the same time, and took much longer to night train. She was past 5. Just a really really heavy sleeper. My fourth pee and poop trained at pretty much the same time, but it took just a few weeks to master the poop training. he is also mostly night trained at 4 yrs 2 months. So lots of variation there with 4 kids!
I think I have blocked out all memories of potty training (which since you are looking for encouraging help is probably good). The anxiety was a big issue for us, too, and then one day it pretty much clicked for her and it worked. Honestly I couldn’t tell you what changed, I just know it did.
The only thing I have is…..this will pass (hehe). He CAN do this, and he WILL do it!
My best tip for your situation is WAIT 18m is very very very early by aenynos standards But if you feel she is ready, I would make sure that it is capable of the following 1 You know what the toilet / potty for the second She knows when she needs to go 3 She knows she has it in until it comes to keep the toilet 4 You can pull her pants (cotton trousers, NOT diaper / pull-ups) up and down 5 You can verbalize or communicate that they have to go My daughter trained for a few months before her third Birthday I thought she was ready to be trained at 15m, because they showed a few signs of willingness to I tried it without success, but a lot of stress train I gave up and they trained when she was ready and it happened literally overnight, since she has no accidents during the day and has very few accidents at night At this age, everything, what I would recommend, is to verbalize what you tun Mama needs a pee, Mama has to go to the bathroom, you need a pee You could see how she goes without a diaper if they really ready for training, do not use pull-ups, they are hindering the process and just want nappys