Please welcome Kara, this week’s guest writer for the “I’m Not a Bad Mom Series”. I also often find myself ignoring the screaming for my own sanity, but most of all not listening to the judgmental voices within and without. I think it makes me a better mom too.
If you’d like to submit a post for this series, please find details here. I’m currently seeking contributions for September.
It’s 10:30 PM. I should be in bed but Facebook is a welcome distraction from the mental to-do list that rolls like movie credits every time my head hits the pillow. Someone has posted an article arguing the benefits of attachment parenting and I think back to earlier that day when I let the six-month-old cry so I could finish reading the last chapter of my book.
Hello, Amazon. Have you any earplugs?
It’s 12:00 AM. The voice inside my head is back, the one that tells me I’m doing it all wrong. It sneaks out when there are no distractions to cage it and if I’m not careful, it runs rampant. Insecurity hisses from the darkness – you’re not a good mother, your kids deserve better – as my husband, lost in peaceful dreams, rattles off another snore. Somewhere deep within the crevices of my brain a tiny superwoman wiggles free and emerges yielding an angry fist and eyes the color of fire. She looks surprisingly like me.
“Enough,” she demands. Her words, steady and powerful, silence the voice. “We are not listening to you.”
My days are filled with noise. Shrieking kids, societal demands, and mental critics are the background music to my life. I cannot control their existence, but I can control their power.
Hey, world, I’m not listening.
And I’m a better mom because of it.