If there’s one thing I’ve learned during the past 10 years through infertility, pregnancy and motherhood … all tied up in a bow with mental illness … it’s that none of us are truly alone. On each step along my motherhood and mental health journey, I had some intense moments of isolation.

No one understands! No one knows the way I’m feeling!

It’s almost silly to look back now because SO many people have been there. It’s not like I corner the market on any of it. But yeah, I felt like the only one in the whole wide universe struggling to get pregnant with fertility treatments.

Then I felt like no other being on the planet could possibly be wading through pregnancy for 300 months as uncomfortable as me, gaining as much weight as me, or losing a sense of self like me.

No one else in the world could possibly be as tired as me with a kid who screams and never sleeps. No one else could be this anxious. No one so depressed.

No one understands! No one knows the way I’m feeling behind those tired eyes and smile!

But in reality that just wasn’t true. Our day to day struggles as parents, as people, are our common ground. I find it pretty comforting to know that. To know that if I reach out right now and say I’m depressed (like I did on Friday) so many of you would send the virtual hugs and true empathy. In fact, that’s exactly what’s happened to me. I reached out and I have had many friends reach back in return.

Our personal support networks are so incredibly important when going through rough times. But reaching out can be difficult when we’re feeling isolated. We all need a plan in place and support people we feel safe to reach out to. Every single one of us needs this.

This Tuesday I went in for a physical and for the first time was asked some new mental health questions by the nurse doing my intake. It was heartening to see them finally asking about emotional health so I said so. I invariably told the nurse about my own history and my doctor brought it up too. At the end of my appointment, my doctor came over and sat beside me and asked me if I have a plan in place if I ever have thoughts of suicide. She said, do you have support people you can reach out to?

She actually said the word “suicide,” which I find most people, even doctors, try to avoid. But asking the tough questions gets the straight answers, so I was glad to see it asked.

Do you have a list of support people in place? In a crisis situation, you may be overwhelmed and unable to come up with a list of those you should contact. Hang the list on your wall calendar, refrigerator or even just a special list within your phone contacts.

Mental Health, Pregnancy and Postpartum Support

In addition to your own friends and loved ones on the list, it may be important to keep these number(s)/web site(s) handy:

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone and Online Chat: 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a 24-hr/7-day hotline where anyone can call for help and speak to someone trained in suicide prevention. PLEASE NOTE: You do not have to be suicidal to call. This number will offer you resources local to your area if you are struggling in any way. Online Chat is also now available at suicidepreventionlifeline.org
If you are a Veteran: the Veterans Crisis Line is available. Veterans and their families can call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, or chat online at VeteransCrisisLine.net, or text to 838255 for free, confidential support, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
If you need a safe place to talk, The Trevor Project offers several resources. The Trevor Lifeline (866-488-7386) TrevorText is available on Fridays (4:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m. ET / 1:00 p.m. – 5:00 p.m. PT). Text the word “Trevor” to 1-202-304-1200. TrevorChat – Available 7 days a week (3:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. ET / 12:00 p.m. – 6:00 p.m. PT).
Teens and young people: ReachOut.com Youth helpline “Your Life Your Voice” at 1-800-448-3000
Befrienders.org is a worldwide directory of suicide prevention/mental health hotlines and resources.
Postpartum Depression private forum: SmartPatients.com Postpartum Progress Online Forum
Women’s Health Online Forums: Inspire.com Women’s Health

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Please feel free to comment with any other resources you think should be added to the list.

And now for today’s Affirmation…this is a good one to repeat today and every day. Feel it filling up inside of you, there’s always love and understanding and most importantly strong support all around you.